Living with Close Male Friends is Weird (a running list)

I've known them both since we were in our early teens. Cohabitation really changes the dynamic
  1. bringing home sex partners? weird
    like they're just Not Cool™ about it most of the time so I feel like a teenager trying to sneak them in/out unseen
  2. listening to them talk about cooking is hilarious
    neither of them can do much outside of cooking an egg or making toaster waffles, but are constantly trying to one-up each other on their cooking prowesses. I silently listen from the other room, chuckling
  3. they lived here for a year and never vacuumed the carpets
    ...yeah
  4. Not Cool™ update:
    I fell asleep trying to figure out how to reply to a very cornering barrage of text messages about my recent stint using online dating. I've brought (2) guys home from dates, both 6+ hour dates. This is Not Ok™ because it is allegedly putting us all in danger? I don't want to believe this wouldn't be a conversation if I were a man. But I'm pretty sure they'd commend me if I were a man.