1. Option to grow a mustache
  2. Spend time questioning the evolutionary purpose of growing pubes on my face
    Why is this on my face?
  3. Option to grow a handlebar mustache
    Why is this NOT on my face?
  4. Feeling a deep connection to the stars in "Planet of the Apes"
    By "stars" I do mean the Apes
  5. Option to grow a soul patch
    In case I wanted that V-fashion pedophile look
  6. The calming feeling of knowing I don't look quite like a prepubescent tween
    Despite going against my burning desire to be J-Beebs