REASONS IM THANKFUL FOR MY FACIAL HAIR
- •Option to grow a mustache
- •Spend time questioning the evolutionary purpose of growing pubes on my faceWhy is this on my face?
- •Option to grow a handlebar mustacheWhy is this NOT on my face?
- •Feeling a deep connection to the stars in "Planet of the Apes"By "stars" I do mean the Apes
- •Option to grow a soul patchIn case I wanted that V-fashion pedophile look
- •The calming feeling of knowing I don't look quite like a prepubescent tweenDespite going against my burning desire to be J-Beebs