WEIRD THINGS I DID AS A KID

  1. Colored in all the white spots on my dog with blue and pink highlighter (the vet was very confused)
  2. Was curious and got my neck stuck in a car window and passed out
  3. I used to bite my own arm and tell the teacher it was somebody else to get them in trouble
  4. I choked a girl in kindergarten because she stole my book (we're friends now)
  5. I once bought a boyfriend in pre-school by giving him my package of crayons
  6. My father gave me a little champagne on his 40th birthday and I didn't know how to drink it so I shot it like they did in the movies. He was very surprised. And worried.
  7. Had the flu for a week in elementary school and I told everyone I was dying and they believed me. When I came back the following week they all screamed.
  8. To piss off my parents, I would take off my light up blue and white sneakers and pull over cars by hitting them together in the back window.