HERE'S WHAT MAKES GERMANY THE PLACE I NEED TO BE:

  1. Beer by the liter
    This significantly increases the likelihood of sticking to the "I'm only going to have a couple drinks" plan
  2. The abundance of opportunities to eat pretzels and strudel
    A pretzel for lunch followed by apple strudel for dinner? What more could a girl want?
  3. The language
    Specifically the directness and lack of unnecessary hand gestures. How cool and smart people sound when they speak it is added bonus. I'm assuming that when (if?) I learn to speak German I will also sound cool and smart.
  4. Location location location
    Germany is within one quick train ride or terrifying Ryanair flight away from so many cool places that I want to visit all the time but that would be too overwhelming to live in permanently. Unless you are as cool and adventurous as Frances Mayes, which I most definitely am not.
  5. I feel like the beer needs to be stressed again here
    The taste, abundance, and general role in the culture are all admirable.
  6. Angela Merkel
    No explanation needed here. This also includes just general German politics (I'm obviously referring to 21st century German politics here).
  7. Biergartens
    I know I already have the beer on here two times but I'm referring specifically to the communal atmosphere so this doesn't count as a third. I don't even like talking to strangers but I somehow always enjoy wedging myself between them at a long wooden table and chatting over a beer and a strudel.
  8. The fact that jaywalking is considered an appalling offense
    I have so much respect for how seriously traffic laws are taken in Germany. It reflects a broader commitment to following rules, which makes life much more predictable and less stressful. Plus it also gives one a sense of security while crossing the street.
  9. The Radler
    Half beer, half lemonade. Also known as a genius invention for when you need to maintain some level of physical coordination but still want to grab a liter. Especially useful for those with low baseline levels of coordination.