Chairs in My House That Think I'm an Asshole

  1. Butterfly chair from 1994. She's all "FU for not having sex on me in college. You're making it more complicated than it is."
  2. Antique ladder back chair. He's like "nobody puts baby in the corner... Except you bitch. Why you keep putting me in the corner?"
  3. The porcelain chair. "Why're you always giving me shit? All I do is support you!"
  4. The wicker chair. "I have a purpose in life you seem to deny. You can't cover up the truth for long."
  5. The hand-me-down chair. "I feel a little more broken every time you're near."
  6. The bean bag. He's always yelling at me, "I'm fucking bean bag. Stop calling me a chair, asshole."