Don't Tell My Mom, But...

  1. When I was 14, I stole a giant metal serving spoon from the Waffle House.
  2. When she'd go out of town, my dad and I would order pepperoni pizza and "we" didn't allow pork in the house.
  3. Being told she was beautiful and that I look just like my Dad gave me a complex.
  4. She's responsible for my lipstick addiction.
  5. Sometimes I don't put on sunscreen.
  6. I don't think she'll ever stop drinking Diet Coke, no matter how hard she tries.
  7. Even though I wish I had her face, I'm glad I have my Dad's butt.