1. Me to my Husband: "Please don't do trade with a taxidermist."
  2. To @talor: "Really? I never noticed that."
    Suggested by @lexie_elyse
  3. To daughter: that's not a meth lab
    Suggested by @clairewentthere
  4. To husband: "I don't care."
    Suggested by @colls39
  5. "Honestly, it's all I ever really wanted"
    Suggested by @marginally_amazing
  6. Me to my 🐶: "Dude? Really?"
    Regarding his refusal to bring the ball all the way back to me.
    Suggested by @NumbahTwo
  7. "I'll be in the back."
    Suggested by @kellyk
  8. "Yes, the water's over now." To my 2 year old in the tub who told me the water is "not ooooooovvvvvvah now".
    Suggested by @doodler19
  9. "Ok. Hope everything's alright. 🤔"
    When my husband said our friends wouldn't be here for Halloween 🎃
    Suggested by @angela3950
  10. To my roommate: It's a nice day but there are still bugs
    Suggested by @mirthnuts
  11. Just whaaaat ?!
    Say ? Text ? Steal ?
    Suggested by @Lisa_Fav
  12. To mom: "I'm gonna take a bath"
    Suggested by @michael_circa91
  13. "You just have to sniff everybody's nether regions, don't you?!"
    Me to one of the dogs, who was checking out the cat's rear end. Again. 🙄
    Suggested by @jhope71
  14. "I wonder what the missing word in the list title is?"
    To myself. CC: @Lisa_Fav
    Suggested by @BWN_7
  15. "In that case I'll wear my tiara"
    Said via text in response to hearing that there will be other guests at puzzle night.
    Suggested by @claireh
  16. "Don't mind me, I'm just dusting the ceiling"
    Me, to my dog
    Suggested by @justjills
  17. To my son: "Ok, goodnight."
    Suggested by @DG
  18. "I'll be right back" to the cashier in Target before I sprinted to get a bunch of bananas
    Not my finest hour
    Suggested by @klie
  19. To my mom: "No, but I wish I could."
    Suggested by @autumnftw
  20. to my roommate: "i'll be back in a bit"
    Suggested by @notfunny
  21. "Okay, bye."
    To my brother on the phone.
    Suggested by @lizabeth
  22. "Thanks. Okay, Bye"
    Suggested by @kate81
  23. To my roommate: "no they NEVER FUCKING SLEEP"
    Suggested by @k8mcgarry
  24. "The car is parked on the right side of the street. No... Wait, on the left side. Yeah, definitely the left. Good night!"
    To my boyfriend
    Suggested by @solena
  25. "What's happening?"
    To my cat 😸
    Suggested by @kcupcaker
  26. I would not eat at that food truck
    Suggested by @MandyKN
  27. "Sure, leave room for cream.."
    Funny how anything can sound like innuendo out of context, or if your mind just tends to go there!
    Suggested by @johnchang
  28. See you in the morning!
    Suggested by @Manicsunrise
  29. To husband: "are you almost done or should I pee in the tub?"
    Suggested by @duchess
  30. I'll pay you five nickels and a string cheese
    Suggested by @audreypalumbo
  31. I feel like I have no idea whatsoever.
    Suggested by @macnchz
  32. Archie Bunker wants to fuck that lady
    Suggested by @tombatten
  33. To K: "Can you read what kind of light bulb this is?"
    Suggested by @andersun
  34. My uncle is borrowing my car for the day. Can you be my uber driver please? I will pay you in love & caffeine.
    To my best friend. She loves me. At least, she said yes.
    Suggested by @Evie
  35. "Packing tape."
    From me to my mom, asking for tape for my secret santa gift!
    Suggested by @sarahmccoy
  36. "Don't lock me out, I'm just going to bang my head against the marble wall, I'll be back."
    Suggested by @HisDudeness
  37. "But can you see it from my view...?"
    She couldn't.
    Suggested by @michael_circa91
  38. "It means he's a jerk."
    In response to my 5 year old's Teen Titans Go! query "Why did he call him a wiener?"
    Suggested by @ladyprofessor
  39. to a coworker: "did that REALLY just happen?!?" regarding a call I'd been on hold x20 min that magically hung up 😾
    such is life in the ED when it's hella busy & I've got better things to do
    Suggested by @victralala
  40. To my husband: Would you please toss me the blanket you are SITTING on?"
    He's sitting on a blanket in shorts and I am shivering in jeans and a sweater.
    Suggested by @tweedledee
  41. Night, love you
    To my mom
    Suggested by @victoriaedel
  42. Here comes the snow!
    Suggested by @julieann718
  43. Yes, but not right now because I'm already laying down.
    Suggested by @amieshmamie
  44. To my 13 yo son who is in the basement playing x-box instead of being asleep in bed: WHAT are you doing!!?
    Suggested by @pathb
  45. Good Night (Good Work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning.)
    Suggested by @jennifergster
  46. To @Grosstastic: "restoration hardware is really pricey"
    Suggested by @dev
  47. 'Bless you,' to my sneezing roommate.
    Suggested by @MissJess
  48. "It won't change the taste. It will just get all foamy."
    Me to my friend's husband about putting salt in draft beer.
    Suggested by @holly70