The Art of Branding My Children
- •Having a family is like running a company and my kids are the different product lines.
- •I may have wished we could recall certain "products" because they're a public safety hazard.
- •But then I've realized their faulty wiring and tendencies to leak fluids and spontaneously combust are just normal wear and tear.
- •Keep in mind, my manufacturing plant is not responsible. It's all a design defect I blame on the co-owner.
- •When you have your first kid, think long and hard about your first borns' name. You're establishing your brand and all other products must follow suit to match.
- •My yuppie/hipster neighbors named their kids Dasani, Evian, and Perrier. Their brand... Pretentious Water.
- •My buddy Carl named his kids Krystal, Wendy, and Carl Jr. They're going for E. coli Chic.
- •My kids' names are Ruby, Oscar, and Murray. Our brand is Jewish Old Age Home.
- •We've done a good job of staying on brand. There's a lot of kvetching, requests for tush wiping, and no one seems to hear anything we say.