Spoiler Alert: I'm still alive.
  1. My dad had "No Smoking" signs in his car.
  2. Yet, his car was a two-seater Alpha Romeo convertible and I sat in the backseat, which was just a luggage rack.
  3. My mom would put plugs in every outlet even though I was in elementary school.
  4. Yet, she'd tuck me in at night with an electric blanket.
  5. My parents would have talks with us about "just saying no" to drugs, including the extreme dangers of taking too many Flinstones vitamins.
  6. Yet after dinner, we'd gather in the living room to watch our favorite family TV show, Miami Vice.
  7. My mom would frighten me about potential child molesters at the mall so I wouldn't wonder off.
  8. Yet she helped pick out the clothes for my Halloween costume, a punk rock prostitute.