The List With No Pictures

  1. This is a list with no pictures.
  2. It might seem like no fun to read a list with no emojis or iPhone pics chosen at random.
  3. It probably seems boring and ridiculous except...
  4. Here is how lists work:
    Everything the words say, the person writing has put a lot of thought into it. And you have to read it.
  5. No matter if your wifi is spotty.
  6. That's the deal. That's the rule. So that means... Even if the lists say...
  7. A List of Dudes I Want to Blork
    Wait--what? That doesn't even mean anything.
  8. The Top Ten Kale Recipes that make me Blurf.
    Wait a second--what?! This isn't the kind of list I wanted to read. And I have to read every bullet the list has? Uh-oh...
  9. I am a monkey who taught myself to write a list.
    Hey! I'm not a monkey.
  10. And now I am reading this list with my monkey mouth in my monkey voice.
    That's not true... I am not even reading this list out loud. Oh wait... Maybe I am.
  11. Yes, I am because my friend/spouse/coworker doesn't have ListApp so I'm always reading lists out loud.
  12. Also, I am a robot lister.
    WHAT?!
  13. And my face is made up just like @Meatball because she provided a tutorial.
    Wait a second--
  14. Is this whole list copying a book that @bjnovak wrote? Can I stop reading, please? I'm pretty sure this is a variation of plagiarism.
    No?!! It's not? It's a parody. Hmmm?
  15. And now it's time for me to hear my favorite @john song!
    A song? Does ListApp have the ability to play MP3s? His label approved that?
  16. Drop, drop, drop it like it's hot...
    What?!
  17. This list is ridiculous. I'm pretty sure that was a @snoopdogg song. Can I stop reading this list yet?
    No?! There are more bullets? I have to read the rest?!?!
  18. My only follower in the whole wide ListApp is a guy named @ChrisK
    Chris Kubica?! I'm pretty sure @mallofamanda follows every single person.
  19. And also, the person who created the ListApp is THE BEST DEVELOPER IN THE HISTORY OF SOCIAL NETWORKS
    Oh, is that @dev?
  20. And the ListAppers are the smartest list makers too, because they realize a good thing when they find it... Even if it has no videos.
  21. Because ListAppers know this is the app that makes grown-ups have to List silly, funny, thought provoking things!
  22. And make crazy connections like....
    Oh no oh no here it comes....
  23. Screw ba-dooongy Facebook!!!!
  24. Oh
  25. My
  26. Goodness.
  27. Please don't ever make me write this list again!
    It is so...silly! In fact, it is completely and utterly preposterous that I just wrote this without a Bluetooth keyboard!
  28. Next time I'm going to write a list with pictures.
  29. Because this is just to ridiculous for my kids that I have their "Book with No Pictures" for this long for reference right before it's time to read to them for bed.
  30. The End.
    Shit.
  31. I didn't want to write that.
    But really... I have to put my kids down. Good night.