RIDICULOUSLY STUPID (AND DANGEROUS) THINGS I DO ON MY PHONE WHILE DRIVING

  1. Find the perfect filter for Instagram.
  2. Use my free hand (previously steering the wheel) to cast a shadow on my phone to be absolutely sure it's the perfect filter for Instagram.
  3. Find the perfect emoji scheme for Instagram. By GOD I will get in a fender bender before I allow two emojis with the same colors to be next to one another.
  4. This app.
  5. Send my friends funny memes that I find via safari because they need to know just how brilliant and clever I am in this exact moment.
  6. Film myself. Who knows if I'll say or do something funny. Also, if I get into a car accident, it will allow me to see what I do when I black out from anxiety.
  7. Look up lyrics to a song. You don't rap to 2Pac if you don't know the words. You just don't.
  8. Google "2Pac or Tupac?" Because I actually know very little about the rapper and want to make sure I don't get called out on it.
  9. Double check directions by ending navigation and restarting it again. I swear Siri sometimes sends you through the heaviest traffic just to fuck with you.
  10. Switch to iTunes when Spotify stops letting me skip songs. You're not worth it "Premium".