Stuff I Scratch My Head at as a Parent

How is any of this stuff possible?
  1. I've watched you wash your hands...so why does my stuff still come back as if you were elbow deep in mud?
  2. You've spent the day being each other's best friend and biggest supporter...you get into the car and suddenly you become Linda Blair in The Exorcist and have a tactical plan to take each other down.
  3. No matter how much stuff you have or things you're involved in, everything is unfair when it comes to what your sibling is doing, even if it's something so crappy no one else in the world would want it or do it.
  4. Entering the room we're in is as if a marching band has camped out at our house but normally coming into the room you're sitting in to ask a simple question is greeted with, "Mom, do you have to be so loud?!"
  5. Waking up for school is as if you've been placed into a medically induced coma but on the weekends or breaks you're up bouncing off the walls on your own at least a full hour before I am.