5 reasons I won't be jumping in the Ryan Lochte-bashing pool

Even though the water seems SO inviting
  1. 1.
    Let she who has never been a dumbass and lied stupidly about it cast the first stone.
  2. 2.
    We've reached peak schadenfreude.
  3. 3.
    Surely there's some actor or singer who's done something worthy of our contempt who's getting off easy right now.
  4. 4.
    I'm more interested in other Rio stories that don't add up, like why the pool turned green and where the money for the Paralympics went.
  5. 5.
    I'm the parent of young adults, and I know better than to tempt fate.