TIMES I FEEL PERSONALLY ATTACKED
these are all about food or shopping
- •when the UPS man drops off multiple packages on the same daythese were all on sale, sir. i basically made money on these transactions.
- •when i receive an email from a website i've been browsing with the very items i'm being tempted byi realize this is some kind of SEO sorcery but can you stop enabling an addict? how do you sleep at night? on piles of money? oh.
- •when i order an iced coffee in the wintertime and the barista looks at me like i'm crazyi just like it better cold! we drink all kinds of cold bevs in the winter! or is that diet coke you're drinking under the counter heated? carry on.
- •when i get takeout and there's multiple sets of silverware in the bag.this is all for me. party of one. thanks
- •when i order my latte with stevia and they say, "you sure you don't want skim milk instead of whole?"i get the reasoning, but, MODERATION. also, if i wanted to drink some watery bullshit i would buy a $5 smart water like the idiot that i am. it has electrolytes.
- •when i ask for a blueberry vodka and water at the bar and the bartender repeats it back to me like i'm unaware of what i just asked forso...vodka. and plain water. you mean soda water? no, i mean plain water. sounds terrible. just trust me. get it with a slice of lime. you'll never get another drink again.