NOTABLY BAD/WEIRD/FUNNY GUYS I MET ONLINE PRE-STEVE

@bonifaceviii is at his bachelor party so it seemed an appropriate time to fulfill this list request - thanks for encouraging the walk down hilarious memory lane, @gabimoskowitz
  1. The aspiring writer who was funny, charming, and handsome...and followed up our date by sending me his spec and asking for help finding an agent.
    As angry as I was at the time, you do have to respect the chutzpah that asshole had. Too bad his spec was terrible (of course I read it).
  2. The guy who went to Harvard Business School.
    Wanna know how I know? BECAUSE IT'S ALL HE TALKED ABOUT.
  3. The guy who ghosted.
    We talked about Game of Thrones and drank beer and I went home thinking "that went well." When I never heard from him again I decided he'd been eaten by a lion and how horribly sad for his family. (It's impossible that he just wasn't that into me, guys. Impossible!)
  4. The nerdy lawyer who was overeager but fine...til he started sending me texts later that night at 2am saying "come hang out with meeeeeeeeeeee."
    It will shock you to hear that I did not, in fact, go hang out with himmmmmmm. I'm also unclear on what about our 90 minute drinks date made him think that was the sort of thing I'd be up for.
  5. The guy where we knew immediately we just weren't into each other and decided to have pizza and drinks anyway.
    It was really refreshing.
  6. The guy who was about 50 lbs heavier than his profile picture.
    I was so angry about the lie - what did he think, I would show up and not notice? Or that he would be so amazing that I wouldn't care that he was approaching elephant size? Well, I cared that he was actively misrepresenting himself and it felt like a bad way to start a relationship. Also, he was obnoxious and talked only about himself, so he really had a lot going for him overall.
  7. The other aspiring writer who sent me his script before we'd even met in person.
    It was a Lost spec episode. It was terrible (again, of course I read it). I canceled the date, closed the door to my office, and cried.
  8. The guy who showed up in a tie.
    I was so sick of dating at this point I don't think I realized til halfway through the date that this good-looking guy also seemed smart, funny, kind, and less likely to be an axe murderer than most. He didn't wear a tie on date #2 and wowed me by knowing answers to Jeopardy questions (technically questions to Jeopardy answers) that I didn't. I got him drunk on margaritas and made out with him in public. In August I get to marry him, which truly is 💯.