SOME WEIRD LIES I TOLD AS A KID
I'd like to think I was just starting a lifetime of storytelling rather than behaving like a pint-size sociopath.
- •My parents are getting divorced.This is probably the worst lie I've ever told. I was around ten or eleven and at gymnastics sleepaway camp and wanted attention. I still feel guilty.
- •I was just at an audition to play a "young Katherine Hepburn" type.Told this to a friend when I was over at her house, we were about ten. I have absolutely no clue what I meant by "young Katherine Hepburn," as I don't think I'd seen any of her movies at that point, but I guess it could've been way worse. This lie was likely due to my anger that my parents wouldn't let me audition and were therefore ruining my life so I made up an imaginary one?
- •I won the Publishers' Clearing House sweepstakes.To be fair, I may have kind of believed this one? I got one of those "you may already be the winner" letters that everyone gets and kind of ran with it. I definitely had an inkling that I wasn't going to end up with the millions I'd been bragging about, though.
- •My best friend and I are really twins named Tyler and Taylor.I forget who was who, but the jig was up when the girl we fooled at the park turned up at the swim club we both went to. Oops.
- •Said best friend and I met Christian Bale at a party for Pocahontas and he was a huge dick.Sixth grade. We did go to the Pocahontas premiere party, and Christian Bale was there. The rest is a complete fiction but a fiction I've internalized so much that to this day when I see Christian Bale on-screen I'm like "ugh, who is mean to two little girls?!"