THINGS I WILL ONE DAY FIGURE OUT HOW TO SUCCESSFULLY USE

That day is not today.
  1. Self-checkout
    It always seems like a great idea, then takes double the time because it eats my coupon or it won't recognize the item I just put in the bagging area and - honestly - nothing is worse than when a machine shames you.
  2. iPhone reminders app
    I put things in there and then forget to check the app so the whole idea of making a list of reminders really needs it's own reminder BUT WHERE DO I PUT THAT ONE?
  3. The scanner at my office
    I swear I'm not as stupid as this piece of machinery makes me feel. My old assistant once said "do you really not know how to do that or do you just want me to do it?" I shamefacedly told her I was not faking incompetence, I really cannot get it to work. It's like it's a mirror and I'm a vampire.
  4. My printer at home.
    I think it's actually broken. @bonifaceviii agrees, so maybe this one isn't on me.
  5. Irony
    I actually understand the definition of irony and how to use it, but ever since that Alanis song and people getting all worked up about what is/isn't truly ironic I get scared and usually just say "what's funny is..." Alanis would definitely say my predicament is ironic, don't you think?