WAYS I FEEL WHEN I TAKE MY CAR IN FOR ROUTINE SERVICE
I know nothing about car maintenance. I might as well walk in with a flashing neon sign that says "sucker."
- •Dropping car off:Attendant: okay, just an oil change and tire rotation, that'll be around 90 bucks. We'll give you a call in a few hours when your car is ready. Me: Yeah! My car is easy to maintain and I am saving all the dolla billz!!
- •Getting the follow-up call:Attendant: we did our nine thousand part inspection and discovered that your farfegnugen is kerfluffled and there's no more unicorn tears in your gas reservoir. We need to fix these things or else you will die in a terrible accident. But it will cost way more than I originally told you. Me: that's terrifying! I don't want to die because my unicorn tears dried up and my farf lacks nugen! Do whatever you have to do! Money is meaningless if you're dead!
- •A beat later:Me (to self): I don't think my car runs on unicorn tears. BUT WHAT IF I SAID NO TO THE ADVICE OF THE TOYOTA GUY AND THEN MY TEARLESS CAR BURST INTO FLAMES?!
- •Picking up the car:Attendant: I know I said it would be ready at 2:30 but I'm going to make you wait 15 extra minutes just to wallow in the annoyance you already feel. Me (in meek, beaten voice): okay (insert all the saddest emojis). (But not the flame one cause I sorted that shit out).
- •Paying the bill:Cashier: that will be one million dollars and fifty two cents. Me: (insert all the sad emojis but bold and underlined) (but still not the flame one because see above).
- •Leaving:Me: now I will do everything I can to forget this happened until six months later when I come back and get elated/scared/ashamed/delayed/broke all over again.