YES, USHER, YOU DO MIND

I've talked about this in the comments of other lists, but I heard the song on the drive to work today and just can't let it go.
  1. Context for folks with more refined/hip musical tastes: Usher's girl is a stripper and he sings a whole song about how he doesn't mind.
    Spoiler alert: HE FUCKING MINDS AND THIS WHOLE SONG IS SO PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE - LET'S TAKE A LOOK:
  2. We begin: "Shawty, I don't mind/If you dance on a pole, that don't make you a ho"
    Okay, maybe he really doesn't mind. Already, though, I'm questioning the need for a whole song about something he doesn't give a F about. Like, I don't mind that @bonifaceviii codes apps, I think it's rad, so if I were to write a song about it it'd be more like "Hey, I think your job is really fucking cool/when are you making me a game even better than candy crush?" It would be more effusive, is what I'm saying. Also, "that don't make you a ho"? Who said it did? YOU DID, USHER, YOU DICK.
  3. Here's some more: he also doesn't mind "When you work until three, if you're leaving with me."
    Again, the mention of her 3am wrap seems passive-aggressive. Also: where is HE til 3am? At the club spying on her? Making sure the lap dances don't get too familiar? Creep.
  4. So then there's a lot of lines about making "that money, money, money"...because he is clearly not at all threatened by a woman with her own income...
    Which is why he makes sure to mention his Ferrari later in the song. WE GET IT YOU HAVE A TINY DICK.
  5. Then he drops these lines: "Cause Shawty you thinkin them tricks that you do with your body/Got all of these n***** they crowding around you like they seen Beyoncé in here."
    So he's not saying that HE thinks she dances like Beyoncé or even that the guys in the club think she dances like Beyoncé (aside: I appreciate that the iPhone knows to put the accent on Beyoncé). He's saying SHE thinks she dances like Beyoncé. Sick burn, man. At least pretend like your girlfriend's moves are as hot as Beyoncé's, that's like dating 101.
  6. And THEN: "You want your own and you need your own, baby, who am I to judge?"
    "Who am I to judge" is just code for "I am judging you." It's in the same family as saying "no offense, but," which means "I am about to say something offensive but now you can't be mad because I said no offense."
  7. Wait, here's the best part: "Cause how could I ever trip about it when I met you in the club?"
    HE MET HER IN THE CLUB?! HE PICKED UP A STRIPPER AND NOW IS MAD THAT SHE IS A STRIPPER? Usher, you're the worst.
  8. He then talks a lot about all the money he makes and the aforementioned Ferrari and THEN "So don't worry at all about the things they do or say/I love you anyway."
    So. Passive. Aggressive. "If you get sexually harassed or assaulted at your job, don't worry, I love you and hey, you chose this line of work."
  9. Final thoughts: Usher's girlfriend should dump this loser who is trying to mind-fuck her about her job.
    And, if she wants a different job, she should get one, but not because any man is slut-shaming her into doing it.