1. "I'm looking for a book. I don't know the author or title, but the cover is blue. Where is it?"
  2. "Hi, I'm looking for a book." (Long pause)
  3. "Is it a boy book or a girl book?"
  4. "My 9 year old reads at the college level. Of course she should read this very disturbing YA book."
  5. "What does 'no longer in print' mean? Just order the book."
  6. "No, I don't want to order the book. I don't want my name on no government list."
  7. "This popular middle-school book has two girls kissing in it! You should put a warning on it!"
  8. "I need a book with strong, Christian values for my teen...oh look, is that 50 Shades of Grey? Do you think she'd like that?"
  9. "Do you have any children's books on [seriously advanced topic]?"
  10. "If I ordered the book today, would I get it by tomorrow?"
  11. "I don't know about any of this stuff, I hate reading."
  12. "There was a book on daytime TV by a lady doctor. No, I don't know what it was about, but it was a LADY doctor, so it should be easy."
  13. [that one self published author who keeps moving his book to the bestsellers section]