5 THINGS EVERY WOMAN SHOULD OWN

Seriously though.
  1. 1.
    A portable razor
    Because when the going gets rough, the rough gets shaven. If you like to shave but only on your own terms, it is likely that what will set you apart from the plebeian hair remover is a specific dress or skirt or blouse that calls not for a leg mane or underarm braids. As a result of this, shaving does not come second nature to you. Keep a portable razor in check because if you don't, you will learn the hard way the only thing worse than an unwanted lack of hair is an unwanted surplus of it.
  2. 2.
    An arsenal of plastic sporks
    Because we are women! And women are fickle! Not fickle like hormonally-challenged, but want what we want when we want it! This could sometimes mean a fork for spaghetti or a spoon for ice cream. The actual item is irrelevant; what's important is that you'll be prepared for whatever nourishment life throws at you.
  3. 3.
    A brooch
    Now I know this might sound dated — who in the good name of millennia still wears brooches in the Age of Smoothies, right? But be flexible in your mind, people! Treat your brain like it is very difficult yoga pose. Challenge it to make like Gumby and stretch. A brooch is only as useful as you make it; use it as an alteration pin. Fasten your shirt, hem your pants, hike up your skirt, heck, give yourself a bolo tie and call it a high school formal.
  4. 4.
    Heavy shoes
    Why? Because if lint is a shell's best friend, clogs are a woman's, and you never know when you might need to throw something of substantial weight at a prospective predator.
  5. 5.
    Mini scissors
    Everyone talks about Cara Delevigne's brows, but what no one talks about is the 90% chance that a makeup artist routinely holds up a mini pair of stabby mcgees within centimeters of Cara's eyeballs to trim the hairs that do fly. It's the secret to full-but-not-bushy. However! These scissors do other things too, like cut stray threads and pants that are too long. They puncture hard to open seals, clip nails, and if you forgo the aforementioned disposable razor, these will trim long ankle hairs.