Social media distorts reality, which means these aspirational #goals we set are merely readying us for disaster. The best way to avoid disappointment is not by lowering your standards — it’s managing expectations. Begin setting bars now so that you’re not scrambling to befriend Drake and his WOES by the weekend.
  1. Goal: Having Fun
    Just because you are not a tiny toweled patriot being hugged by Oprah in her chartreuse moment doesn’t mean that you are not having fun. Sometimes it feels that way, I know. But ask yourself: did I laugh? Were my smiles genuine? Did I pee a little? Vote: Doable
  2. Goal: Royalty
    In general, very few people are born to such lives of luxury. It is a sharp chip to swallow. But remind yourself that in every Amanda Bynes/Julia Stiles movie based on Shakespearean lore, the prince wants to be “normal” and the princess wishes she could go outside without the paparazzi taking photos of her in last night’s mascara. Be thankful that you and your crew are you. Vote: Unrealistic. Throw it out.
  3. Goal: Winning
    There are two kinds of referees in this world: coaches who believe that second place is first place loser, and moms who believe that everyone’s a winner. Taking the maternal approach here, assume that anytime you and your friends have done something to merit an Instagram — even if it’s just “take an actual candid,” you have won. It’s very hard to get a group of people to do something if you are not ants. Celebrate as such! Vote: Doable depending on definition of “win.”
  4. Goal: Being Well-Coordinated
    This is merely a matter of cooperation, leadership and planning ahead. Anyone who’s ever successfully pulled off a group Halloween costume as the cast of Salute Your Shorts knows that. Vote: Doable.
  5. Goal: Being Celebrities
    Similar to the same letdown that comes with realizing you will never be Prince George regardless of dedicated naps is the Xanax-required truth that you are not a celebrity supergroup of friends. Now here’s your Xanax: THAT IS OK. You do not need to be Rihanna & co. at the pool to enjoy the sun. You do not need to be Beyoncé plus crew at the club to dance. Fostering these mentalities turns life into an everlasting game of Keeping Up With the Joneses. Vote: Unnecessary, exhausting, unrealistic.