THE TEN MOST IMPORTANT TAKEAWAYS FROM MILAN FASHION WEEK

The tasteful tackiness of Milan prevails for the next Spring season, where bright amalgamations of color are more common than chlorine in a pool. Here are ten important, actionable takeaways.
  1. From Aquilano.Rimondi
    A cool way to reconsider wearing your oversize white shirt is with a matching set (it doesn't have to be sequined but if it is, you get brownie points) that consists of a mini skirt that will allow for the shirt to peek out from below it and a crop top that will make eating your body white in brownie points feel much more satisfying.
  2. From Stella Jean
    No it does not matter that your maintain 20/20 vision -- get a pair of optical lenses and do something weird to your hair so that when you wear all the color you can muster together from the contents of your closet, you look like someone's crazy Aunt Greta. Also: bright tiki skirt!
  3. From Dolce & Gabbana
    Remove your nightgown from the bedroom, wear deep into the streets of your favorite city. Velvet smoking loafers are not mandatory, however, I would recommend a neck scarf for your head. Don't you feel like making a bowl of pasta?
  4. From Marni
    Lego my Eggo! As in, Consuelo say, Leandra do. So look like a human Lego structure, incorporate yellow cut-outs that could be mistaken for "waffle" fabric and then play the 1994 Eggo waffles commercial on loop.
  5. From Jil Sander
    If you can't quite kick your propensity for black yet, don't give in to peer pressure, but do consider a) bucket hats and b) a pair of shoes that force you to escape your comfort zone, if even just for a couple of steps.
  6. From Emilio Pucci
    Disco lives! But only when you're pairing the party with the kind of pants that you might be inclined to wear while lounging boat side. Also of note and life: the amber lenses initially popularized by Alessandro Michele for Gucci. (If you're wearing black and white, add some red.)
  7. From Iceberg
    Creative suiting need not require a jacket and plebeian pants -- a shirt and cropped flares will do. Also, do whatever you can to match light blue to red. Even if it means giving yourself paper cuts to slather across the sky. What?
  8. From No. 21
    If you still want to do the 90s, at least do it with a black-based floral print that could be mistaken for lederhosen depending on where, geographically, you come from. Do also make sure the bottom layer is plain, white and crisp.
  9. From Prada
    Gdyufgwjhdgajdjgghagdfbuiwoiwrkjbf!!! More is never enough. Do you have a transparent shower curtain? Turn it into a damn dress already.
  10. From Francesco Scognamiglio
    In addition to learning how to say his name, don't feel bad if transparent shower curtain isn't your thing (yet). Because feminine ruffles that provide breathing room for ye nipples are still a thing as Givenchy and this Italian house that may or may not be proving all the cool stuff is, in fact, coming out of Milan.
  11. Here's one for good luck, too
    Stop buying long blazers, wean off of tonal colors, consider the cropped jacket and make like one part of a rainbow.