WHAT YOUR BREAKFAST SAYS ABOUT YOU

  1. The Green Juicer
    It's possible that you love nothing more than an iced cold glass of freshly mowed lawn in the morning. However, it is also possible that if consumes first thing on a Monday, you are repenting for weekend sins.
  2. Yogurt, aka John Stamos
    You're a doer, and the day doesn't do until you've had your Greek yogurt, though it's unclear (even to you) if you like the taste or have simply been manipulated by good marketing. Oatmeal's your alternative once the thought of tart dairy makes you barf-y.
  3. The Yoga Bowler
    Like a downward dog into lotus frog, your daily açai bowl appears effortless but has been known to send others to the hospital upon improper execution. (Let us not forget that chia seed yin beside that blended Pitaya yang may cause a tree to grow in your Brooklyn belly.)
  4. The Smoothie Sister
    An understated morning bird, The Smoothie Sister is of the more tolerable early risers when it comes to She Who Makes Her Breakfast versus Grumpy Rushers. The latter group will empathize with your smoothie, assuming it means you, too, are "on the go." It appears unfussy, but it hints as aspirational adulthood: you visit grocery stores with mild to moderate frequency, whereas the rest of us are hoping our roommate The Green Juicer left a slice of cold pizza in the fridge.
  5. The College Kid
    Speaking of cold 'za... You wake up starving and know that eating something is more responsible than not, but you're a consumer - not a planner, and you're late - so if there's something you can grab with one hand while the other searches for the same phone that you're already on (nice shoulder/ear move there, Wolf of Call Street), you'll eat it.
  6. The New Yorker
    The New Yorker isn't really a breakfast person. You're not really a people person either, but the large black coffee makes the morning commute a little bit easier. Bonus points for the digestion regulation, too.
  7. Peter Pan
    Peter Pans believe that breakfast, like "age," is just one more societal construct intended tort the man win and keep you down. JK, cereal rules. You're finally old enough to eat a bowl of marshmallows without your mom telling you what to do.
  8. The Boardroom Snacker
    The Boardroom Snacker forgets about breakfast until A) someone has a birthday, and you remember you love doughnuts, B) your boss is in a good mood and surprises everyone with bagels, C) there is an unattended muffin in the break room, no one is looking, and you've got two minutes to kill.
  9. The Full Monty
    If breakfast is the meal of kings, then you are sunny side up royalty. Like any good Windsor, of course, The Full Monty keeps it low key on the weekday. Monday through Friday your true identity is hidden behind the civilian crumble of a granola bar. Come Saturday morning, you put your crown-n-cape on: two eggs, sausage, hash browns, toast, and OJ. Oh, and a Bloody Mary.
  10. Breakfast Sammy
    Bacon egg and cheese on a roll (no commas, you're in a hurry): the breakfast sandwich is the hangover cure alternative for those days you're already five minutes late to work. Pro tip: Do not attempt to order this from a kosher bagel shop.
  11. The Corner Store
    The Corner Store's go-to: toasted bagel and schmear. It's fast, delicious, and most importantly, cheap; breakfast should never cost more than your metro card. You're an unapologetic creature of habit whose favorite condiment (besides cream cheese) is gluten, and though you'd never say it out loud, you secretly relish in the fact that you liked bagels before they were in fashion.
  12. The Rebel
    The Rebel eats breakfast, alright, but you're punk rock about it. Tuna sandwich? Classic. Burrito? I dare you. Last night's pasta? Anarchy in the USA. Nothing's off limits because you DGAF and laugh in the face of culinary convention. But you still need coffee with that burger and fries; this is breakfast after all, you're not insane.