FIRST SEVEN JOBS
AKA when someone starts a Twitter hashtag that exactly matches a list in your drafts that you keep meaning to finish.
- •IT person at a fake officeThe government forced me to go on an IT course where we had to pretend we worked at an office so as to prepare us for the complexities and boredom of employment. I tried to start a union and they were not amused.
- •Web assistant at computer recycling charityWe got some amazing donations like a giant colour printer that used blocks of wax but mostly fixed up old office computers with free software and sold them super cheap to people on low incomes. Sadly the directors got cold feet and closed it all down.
- •Y2K compliancy coordinator at a collegeRemember when the world didn't end? I helped. I had to install an update on every computer on campus as well as help upgrade staff who were still using black and white Mac Classics and Netscape Navigator. In 1999! I got to keep one and it still works.
- •IT technician at the same collegeBeing the sort of place that hates to put anyone out of a job, I stayed on as a random IT person fixing broken computers and doing IT support. Yes, it was exactly like this.
- •Web Designer at a children's charityI designed a lot of terrible websites for like UN charity projects. Eventually we merged with another department and I was made redundant.
- •Christmas postal workerI sorted mail at the main sorting office in Glasgow for 14 days in a row, the 2pm-10pm shift, with two 20 minute breaks. I mostly did London and sorted a hell of a lot of Christmas cards from the general public to Tony Blair and the Queen. I met my future band mate here and I stole some special cable tie scissors so it was mostly positive.
- •Web Designer at a horrible internet companyMy job was to design three Google baiting SEO websites per day for local businesses that had been cold called by our appalling sales team. One of the directors used to fly up in his helicopter to encourage us to work faster for minimum wage. I was later promoted to Corporate Web Designer.
- •And then I quit having jobs to do whatever it is I do now 👋
- •*updates list to join in title wave* 🙃