I wrote this shortly before handing in my notice at my last office job 8 years ago but couldn't post it publicly. Please let me be self-employed forevermore.
- •Prides herself on always being the first in the team to leave the office. Can arrive on time if specifically requested (requires co-operation from bus company)
- •Always interested in learning new skills and how these skills can be used to improve non-work projects
- •Enviable multi-tasking skills – ability to juggle between RSS feeds, blogging, multiple msn conversations, 3 email accounts, 2 web browsers and some form of work is unsurpassed.
- •Abilities in finding endless ‘woman with laptop’ photos to illustrate web hosting packages.
- •Above average (in this company) understanding of customer care. Has been known to think of how things will affect customers at least once a month.
- •Diligent in storing pertinent emails from management that will point blame in the correct places once disaster inevitably occurs
- •Excellent skills in spotting copyrighted images and working out time consuming ways to remove them from thousands of customer sites.
- •Abilities in brightening up the workplace with stuffed animals, incessant mail packages of kawaii from far-flung places, home baking and entertaining tales of bus woe.
- •Able to drag a task out for extreme lengths of time.
- •Enjoys reclaiming vintage websites and advertising banners from the depths of the company memory and making them less nonsensical and rubbish.
- •File organisational skills bordering on obsessive.
- •Long practiced skills in vending machine operation
- •Repeated winner of ‘Fastest Google Searcher’ award
- •Highly deluded ability in always voting for Godzilla in team sweepstakes, regardless of subject. Convinced Godzilla will one day invade the pitch at a major Scottish football match
- •Happy to eat the leftover orange cremes in any tin of Roses available