RIDICULOUS INJURIES I HAVE SUSTAINED
I have never yet had a proper serious injury (and long may that continue). Instead all these stupid things happen to me.
- •ConcussionThis happened age 4 when a boy threw a bag at my head in the school playground. Also notable for my mum's favourite story of how I asked the taxi driver to stop on the way to the hospital because I needed to be sick. Age 4! With a concussion! Imagine if we had Uber in those days.
- •Knocking my kneecap out of placeOn the handle of one of those massive old printing presses. I was studying printmaking. Getting my name in the Accident Book isn't how I hoped to leave my mark at art school. My knee has never been quite right since.
- •The endless nosebleedWhile at the doctors for physiotherapy (see kneecap) I had a nosebleed that wouldn't stop. I was also super poor so they had to order a taxi using petty cash to take me to the hospital. As if getting my nose cauterised wasn't fun enough, they invited in a whole group of student doctors to watch.
- •Cutting my hand openI'm still not entirely sure how this happened, and it sounded more and more unbelievable every time I had to explain at the hospital, but I basically managed to knock a bowl into the edge of the drying rack where it broke and I caught the broken edge and got the sort of deep cut where you see white stuff and feel sick. I bled all over the X-Ray table and got 3 stitches! I also got nerve damage and sometimes my hand twitches by itself which is URRRGH!
- •Crazy eyelashMy favourite. Apparently one of my eyelashes was growing the wrong way or something and was touching my eyeball. The optician had to put local anaesthetic in my eye and then poke around with tweezers to remove it. This turned out to be more traumatic for the optician than for me. My eyeball wasn't even numb or anything.