Men I've Dated

The list is short, but juicy. And probably explains why I haven't dated anyone in a while.
  1. The saxophonist
    First boyfriend / best friend. Super sweet. Wrote me songs and played the saxophone in the background. Never learned I hate the saxophone. Hope he never reads this.
  2. The creeper
    Shoplifted sweatshirts for me from the place where he worked (I didn't know). Cheated on me with my housemate and got her pregnant. Has now been married 3+ times last I checked. Was on a talk show. My greatest shame, but also best party story.
  3. The seemingly innocent one
    Super kind. Two months in I found out he had a girlfriend (!) in another state who was pregnant (!!) and just miscarried their child (!!!). I...kept dating him.
  4. The bad guy
    Smoker/drinker/surly. Once told me he didn't know if he loved me or hated me. We're all learning now that I was an idiot at 19. I still keep my distance when I see a black Jeep Wrangler.
  5. The non-committal one
    Took me on many dates (planned, paid for, paired off). While on these dates would say things like, "I'm so glad we're FRIENDS" and "You're such a good FRIEND". I named a paradox after him due to how many women fell in love with him because of his personality (and despite his appearance).
  6. The dude
    Mostly long-distance. Checked all of the right boxes. I was painfully way more into him than he was into me. I still cringe when I see him.