1. Be very angry and upset without crying.
    So humiliating.
  2. Fix any problem in one day.
    Preferably without help from anyone else.
  3. Get paid to read books.
    Any freaking thing, I swear. My standards are not what they used to be.
  4. Just have the non-grandiose, normal life that I always wanted.
    It is totally achievable and also completely impossible.
  5. Go visit my family any time.
    Nerds and academics get scattered to the four winds and have no money to travel.
  6. Tell my friends all my problems.
    When you and your spouse share all the same friends, it is awkward much to gripe.