A FEW FACTS ABOUT ME

  1. George Clooney's bodyguard once left me in charge of George Clooney. I don't know how to make this the top item on my resume so I'm making it the top item here.
  2. I once won a literary spelling relay by spelling Bhagavad Gita correctly while balancing a book on my head. While drunk.
  3. All I really want is to be wealthy enough to employ a butler to bring me snacks.