things people have said that made me laugh really hard

  1. FRIEND: "Can we please go to a topless beach but where we are the only two people there?"
  2. MOM: "Tom Petty is the singer after God's heart"
  3. FRIEND: "My stomach hurts. I think it's angry about the queso I ate." ME: "Maybe you should eat the opposite of queso to counteract it." FRIEND: "So... turkey?"
  4. LUCILLA AURELIUS(?) from Gladiator: "Do you know, I still remember you in my prayers... Oh yes, I pray."
  5. HISPANIC FRIEND: "that's so cool though, I love white people"
  6. FRIEND: "your neighbors really freaked me out earlier." ME: "did you interact with them?" FRIEND: "no, they just gave me snake vibes"
  7. FRIEND: "whenever I get wounded..."
  8. MOM: "Dill [our dog] works all things together for good."
  9. COUSIN, about a bug someone just swatted away: "you probably just flicked it into my mane!"
  10. FRIEND: "worms can be fun! They come in all shapes and sizes!"