HOW I ASSUME VS CAPITALIZED ON THE CONCEPT OF LINGERIE

Setting: Corporate team at Victoria's Secret pitch ideas in main conference room.
  1. Thank you all for gathering in this meeting today.
  2. I called you in here because sales are down and we need to switch branding to penetrate an untapped niche market.
  3. Let's begin with a roundtable discussion for ideas on a profitable campaign.
  4. Since Valentine's Day is coming up, we are shooting for sales to cover our deficit from the fiscal year.
  5. As a competitive fashion retailer, we need to think in the minds of the consumer.
  6. So I will start with the basic premise:
  7. "What do women love more than anything?"
  8. Flowers, chocolates, diamonds, commitment...
  9. But we produce CLOTHING, Peggy. Please come back when you are more prepared. You are dismissed.
  10. Maybe the better question is:
  11. "What do men love more than anything?"
  12. *silence*
  13. BOOBS.
  14. Breasts? I don't understand. It's just a vessel to hold in milk for babies.
  15. Yes, but it's the dads that play with them.
  16. Excellent point. I like the path we're venturing towards. Continue on, Don.
  17. Well, I believe that by strategically placing pads on the underside of a cup-like structure, we can "push up" these goods to further enhance the pillowy fullness of a woman's curves.
  18. But won't that look like it doesn't fit? I will not have my reputation tarnished for ill-fitting garments.
  19. Just hear me out, sir.
  20. This will pay tribute to the perfection of these plush fat storage centers (whether or not this clothing is necessary), therefore boosting sales.
  21. To embody the feminine characteristics of a woman's body, we will adorn the cups with embellished lace. Bitches love frilly shit.
  22. But if this will benefit men, as you say, what's the point of creating this if it's only going to be taken off?
  23. It's like a present, sir. Part of the thrill is opening it up to find out what's underneath. It's the anticipation that leaves the mind to the imagination.
  24. I see. I think we have a winner here.
  25. And what will we call this emerging product for its launch?
  26. Brassiere.
  27. Now you're just being pretentious, Don.