WHEN YOU ARE A NATURAL BORN ROMANTIC BUT FORCE YOURSELF TO FEEL NOTHING

The times, much like today, when a momentary glimpse triggers a flood of memories, unleashing an overwhelming revelation of emotions.
  1. It was only a brief second, but it hit me like a stamp of defeat.
  2. The sound of your voice.
  3. I looked up; a stranger.
    Some guy was discussing project plans with his co-worker.
  4. I resumed my business, albeit still rattled.
    After several attempts of trying to redirect my focus, I still couldn't shake the feeling.
  5. Robotically, I stood up from my chair, stepped away from my office, and headed towards the restroom.
  6. On the way, I passed by several desks- head held high, face in an impassive stare.
  7. Once I entered the bathroom, I calmly locked my stall door, smoothed out my pants, sat down. And cracked.
  8. Reminiscing back, I treasured:
  9. 1. The realization that you were neither definitively good nor bad for me, but what you did make me feel was... alive.
    I felt like I was going through the motions of life, just passing by people day to day with no real connection, but you awoke a part of me that I had unknowingly kept hidden.
  10. 2. The split second I first caught a glimpse of your vulnerability that was cloaked underneath that confidence.
    It was then I realized that I was one of the few that have actually seen that side of you.
  11. 3. The soothing sound of your voice that eased my unsettled soul.
    The way your voice had a slight patrician demeanor, bordering the line of arrogance and genuine console.
  12. 4. The times when you would start spewing out nonsensical remarks, out of delirium, when it started to get too late in the evening.
    Where minutes would turn into hours, and hours would disturb our entire sleep schedule.
  13. 5. The way you looked at me in awe.
    As if you had never come across a person like me before.
  14. 6. The comfortable silences we shared, only to be broken by an occasional sigh of contentment.
    It was as if the world, apart from our own, ceased to exist outside of those walls.
  15. 7. The dagger to your words blanketed by the warmth in your tone.
    There was a sense of unvarnished honesty in your manner that sealed my trust in you.
  16. 8. The struggle you had keeping your hands to yourself.
    But to be fair, I didn't want to keep my hands off of you, either.
  17. 9. The entrancement of looking up from the crook of your neck to find your crystal blue eyes deep in thought.
    Those times I could just watch you stare off into oblivion, trying to make sense of your own self-awareness in this world.
  18. 10. The circumstances that exposed your impatience and would get you so riled up over trivial matters.
    I was actually quite amused by your temperamental disposition.
  19. 11. The electricity that flowed through me.
    It was a mixture of fiery energy and a peaceful calmness that excited me, yet calmed me at the same time.
  20. 12. The conversations that would lead to heated arguments.
    But we could never actually get mad since we both had an unspoken understanding in the validity of each others' statements.
  21. 13. The uncanny similarities we shared.
    I.e.: The fact that we grew up in cities 15 minutes away from each other but I ended up finding you later on in life, our inexplainable timing, etc.
  22. 14. The exit you made, so cold and aloof.
  23. But what I admired most was your impact:
  24. 1. My confidence that grew.
  25. 2. My poise that developed.
  26. 3. My hunger for life that flourished.
  27. 4. My cynicism that diluted.
  28. So
  29. After a few minutes or so, I pulled myself together, wiped away the excess tears, and stepped out of the bathroom stall.
  30. Upon exiting the bathroom, back towards my desk, I re-entered reality with my head held high, same impassive stare.
  31. Because like most things, that moment was only fleeting.