Shit that shitty kids do

  1. Throw shit at you
    Why would you throw that? What possessed you? I DON'T NEEEEEED THIS
  2. Ask to play shitty board games and then cry when they lose
    Can't we just watch TV? You're 4. You suck at EVERYTHING (Except for crying and genuine wonderment at commonplace things).
  3. Pull on your fucking clothes and shitty hair
    Look, I know this is literally a pajama shirt, but I can't wear it in public anymore if it has holes in it. Also, yes, that does hurt, would you like me to prove it to you? Because I'd fucking love to.
  4. Pour all of the shit out of your purse and then hide it places
    Rookie mistake. But sometimes we need tampons, which makes the shit they dump out of your purse twice as horrible.
  5. Wipe their gross shitty hands all over you
    I am not your napkin. You can be your own napkin.
  6. Cry about shit
    Anything. They will cry about anything. "I don't want to take a nap, I'm not tired😫😫😫" "then let's go upstairs and..." "I can't walk up the stairs😫 I'm too tiiired😫😫😫 CARRY MEEEE😫" "I'm leaving." (Abbreviated version)
  7. Put their shitty fingers in your food
    THIS IS MY YOGURT/CUP OF TEA. The only thing I have for myself while I'm here, literally everything else is yours. Touch something else.
  8. Beg to eat your food even though it's the same shit they're eating
    My gluten free corn dog is just as shitty as yours was before dipped in your chocolate milk and rubbed on your face. Make better choices.
  9. Ruin shit
    Any shit.
  10. Run around and then sit on your shitty body
    GET OFF OF ME. I'm not your mother, I don't have to let you touch me. This chair is for one person and your body temperature + this sticky ass weather is going to make me throw you. Did you know that? I'm at least 4x bigger than you and I could pick you up and throw you if I so chose.