THINGS I'VE SAID TO MY MOTHER
Too bad you can't say these things to your mom since she's not as cool as mine
- •Turn around and look casual, I'm taking a picture. I SAID LOOK CASUAL, YOU IDIOT
- •Hey, Swampy, what's good?
- •I'm not going to like your Instagram, 39 is plenty
- •I don't want to listen the birds chirping I WANNA LISTEN TO AUDRA MACDONALD SING THE STARS AND MOON. GOD.
- •*when asked what I thought of her latest painting* Looks like a golf course
- •*when asked what I thought of another painting* Looks like a vagina
- •MOoommm, GET IN HERE, MY TOAST IS READY!
- •Why are you laughing so hard at this live broadcast of a Carly Simon concert?