Too bad you can't say these things to your mom since she's not as cool as mine
  1. Turn around and look casual, I'm taking a picture. I SAID LOOK CASUAL, YOU IDIOT
  2. Hey, Swampy, what's good?
  3. I'm not going to like your Instagram, 39 is plenty
  4. I don't want to listen the birds chirping I WANNA LISTEN TO AUDRA MACDONALD SING THE STARS AND MOON. GOD.
  5. *when asked what I thought of her latest painting* Looks like a golf course
  6. *when asked what I thought of another painting* Looks like a vagina
  7. MOoommm, GET IN HERE, MY TOAST IS READY!
  8. Why are you laughing so hard at this live broadcast of a Carly Simon concert?