1. On infections:
    "This is it. This is time where I have to cut off my finger/leg/toe/arm/ear."
  2. On dating:
    "Why did I just say that? That was dumb. But was it dumb? He's done with me now. But is he?"
  3. On eating:
    "I'm so healthy. I ate a salad for lunch! I deserve to reward myself. This ice cream pint will do nicely."
  4. On shopping:
    "I just got dumped. I DESERVE these shoes."
  5. On liquid eyeliner:
    "I've got this."