Things I Love Doing With My Phone

  1. Honk my car horn back at home while 30,000 feet in the air.
  2. Turn off the waterfall in the pool.
  3. Turn on the air conditioning in the middle of the night.
  4. ApplePay for goods and services.
  5. Watch TV shows.
  6. Read books.
  7. Play sonos through the whole house. Rule the playlist with an iron fist.
  8. Hum new stupid song ideas into voice notes.
  9. Text.
  10. Find and pay for movie tickets.
  11. Sign legal documents and contracts.
  12. Board planes to travel places.
  13. Board trains to travel places.
  14. Postmates.
  15. Listen to music, audiobooks, and podcasts.
  16. Take photos.
  17. List things in this app.
  18. Tweet.
  19. Count the number of steps taken in a day.
  20. Mindlessly scroll Instagram.
  21. Pay road tolls.
  22. Waze when I have to drive.
  23. Uber when I'm like "f this."
  24. uʍop ǝpısdn ʇxǝʇ uɹnʇ
  25. Act like I'm getting a call when someone I don't want to talk to approaches.