MY MOST "I HAVE TENURE" STATEMENTS

  1. I'll be grading all your papers this weekend so some will have coffee stains. Or bourbon stains. Let me know if you have a preference
  2. I don't comment on final papers. It's like giving wellness tips at an autopsy. Too late. It's over
  3. It's in the syllabus. Or at least it is now
  4. Those of you who find broken links in the syllabus and tell me discretely will be remembered fondly when I assign grades Then there's the rest of you
  5. How about I leave to get a fresh cup of coffee while you discuss how to best pretend to have done the reading
  6. Do you have any tenure statements surrounding your feelings on office hours?
    Suggested by   @Danni
  7. Sometimes students come by in the last five minutes of my office hours with 30 minutes of questions. Let's reflect on how that scenario might unfold