THE CANDIDATES ON LONG-LINES AT STARBUCKS

  1. Trump: “I could shoot the people ahead of me and they would still pay for my coffee . . . that’s what a winner I am”
  2. Cruz: “Since Starbucks was created by Jesus why should evangelicals wait in line behind ‘New York Values’ types?”
  3. Hillary: “I will fight against those who would roll back the progress we’ve made and return to the dark days when there was no choice between soy, almond, skim, 2%, or half and half.”
  4. Rubio: “I’m third in line, so I’m next and I win”
  5. Jeb: “Isn’t $52 M is a lot for a cappuccino?”
  6. Bernie: “The problem is not long lines. The problem is a corrupt caffeine delivery system.”