Top Ten Horrible Yet Hilarious Farm Moments This Summer

Weird things happen at my job, y'all.
  1. 10.
    Splash Zone
    My horse started splashing around in the pond we were crossing and I let home because I think it's really cute but 10 seconds into the splashing I hear "MAKE HIM STOP" and realize my coworker was getting drenched by the splashes
  2. 9.
    Hog Gardens
    One Saturday at 7 AM my boss sent a text into the work group text that only included a picture of the pigs escaped and ransacking his garden and so I had to go out the pigs back and dropped the bag of feed in the process and couldn't get it back because the pigs swarmed it
  3. 8.
    Goat Nuts
    We accidentally waited too long to castrate our billy kids and so when we stretched the rubber bands to their full capacity the goats' balls were more than twice the size of the opening
  4. 7.
    The "Turtle"
    We tried to save what we thought was a live turtle from a small hole but it turned out to be three very dead rats
  5. 6.
    Finger Slicing
    I was removing mislabeled ear tags from goats and stupidly cut towards myself with my coworker's pocket knife and sliced my pinky open, drove myself to the clinic, and cried while I got stitches
  6. 5.
    Rotten Eggs
    We were cleaning out chicken coops we had not utilized for two years and there were FULL nests of eggs that were so old that they POPPED at the slightest movement and released what is undoubtedly the worst smell I have ever experienced
  7. 4.
    Horse Stomp
    On one of my first days of work I was bridling a horse I had never risen before and he was throwing his head around and caused me to accidentally trip on one of my feet and he stepped directly on my calf and I had a nasty bruise all down my lower leg for over a month
  8. 3.
    One Horn/Unicow
    These are the names we use to refer to the Corriente heifer who only has one full horn because I was closing the gate during sorting and she ran right into it and completely lost her horn cap and half of her horn and we had to clot the blood veins by burning them which took 45 minutes at least and I almost passed out from the sight of all the blood at least twice (somehow the gate is in perfect condition though)
  9. 2.
    Bullshit Bull
    We tried to separate the Corriente bull from the herd and move it to a different pasture down the road but he darted through us on five different occasions and almost made it to the highway and would not turn around when we put our horses in front of him causing this whole endeavor to take around two hours
  10. 1.
    Pregnant Horse
    One of my coworkers bought a pregnant horse that hadn't been ridden because she wanted to imprint on the baby, and when we went to the vet even the vet was like "oh she is so pregnant! Look at that belly!" And palates and sonogramed her only to discover that she was just really fat and had a cyst in her stomach