Why Tonight's Shooting Impacts Me More Than Most

22 year old singer Christina Grimmie was shot at a post-show meet & greet in Orlando. She did not make it.
  1. I am a security guard at a concert venue.
  2. I frequently help out and work closely with both pre and post-show meet & greets.
  3. A lot of the time, I am one of maybe 2 or 3 security guards there.
  4. Usually, the police detail has not yet arrived or has already left.
  5. Being that I'm sometimes the only one checking in a crowd of however many people, it is impossible for me to do pat-downs.
  6. Even if we did pat-downs before every single meet & greet, someone could easily conceal a weapon in a spot that we are not allowed to inspect. (Crotches and whatnot.)
  7. Shootings happen everywhere, but recently they've been happening in the type of place I consider my church, my safe place, and my home.
  8. I am not trained well enough to handle something like this.
  9. She was twenty-two. Twenty-fucking-two. SHE WAS MY AGE. I have done nothing. I have so much I have to and want to and need to do.
  10. She was doing something incredibly selfless and vulnerable by even having a meet & greet.
  11. These senseless acts of violence are spreading and getting closer and closer to my reality.