THINGS I DONT KNOW HOW TO RESPOND TO

Re: why I'm questioning my social skills
  1. "You look like my granddaughter but she is 7 and slightly autistic" - a drunk woman
    This specific situation left me speechless.
  2. Anytime someone shows me a video from a concert
    Especially electronic stuff. These videos are long and nothing happens and I don't know any appropriate follow up questions that are polite but also do not invite any more concert videos
  3. When boys make fart jokes
    Can I also make a fart joke? Do I laugh? Do I not laugh? How does my reaction to this joke make me look? Send help.
  4. When you are having a conversation and suddenly this person is breast feeding an infant
    Where do you look? The woman? The child? The ground? Is this an anti-feminist dilemma? lmk
  5. When you sneeze on yourself and someone sees
    What is the socially appropriate thing to do
  6. People who call friends some sort of family name when they are not related
    You call yourself cousins but your parents just went to high school together? Hm ok.
  7. "I used to get wine drunk in the afternoons and put my cat on a leash and take her to the duck pond" - my boss sharing a memory about his cat that died the day before
    Speechless times
  8. Actually dead pets in general
  9. Conversations about the Bachelor/Bachelorette
    I've lost some friends because ITS NOT REAL LOVE