WHY I DONT HAVE FRIENDS IN GRAD SCHOOL

  1. No one else was drunk this morning
    Other students are freshly showered and eating delicious homemade breakfast sandwiches which is the opposite of drunk
  2. No one was even hungover this morning
    It is frankly rude to not give hungover peers half-all of the delicious breakfast sandwich
  3. Too many loafers
    I saw three pairs! Without even turning my head!
  4. There was a guy in scrubs
    He was my friend until this scrub incident in which I became intimidated of him. Also, he wore his scrubs WITH LOAFERS
  5. People are old
    In college professors tried to make witty pop culture jokes and show pictures of Beyoncé or shirtless firefighters but now there is no point because the old people wouldn't get it.
  6. People pay attention the whole time!!!
    Everyone has only the PowerPoint on their computer screen. No Facebook! No buzzfeed quizzes! No pictures of cute animals!
  7. People discuss the content in a lively manner during breaks
    It's bio stats guys. Calm yourself.
  8. They are very busy and talk often about their tasks that make them so busy
    This prompts me to text my mother every day saying "tell me I'm not lazy." Also probably they don't have time to be my friend!