FIVE JOB OFFERS I WOULD ACCEPT REGARDLESS OF SALARY

Ooooo okay.
  1. 1.
    Story Board Artist for Pixar
    Yap.
  2. 2.
    Laura Croft's spunky assistant
    Some how...some way...this is a job.
  3. 3.
    Casting Director for zee movies
    I know everyone thinks they would be good at this BUT DAMN IT I WOULD BE GOOD AT THIS.
  4. 4.
    Motivational Speaker
    5 sessions consisting of 7 hours of me spraying the whole audience with water, firing a confetti cannon of almonds at everyone, slapping people in the face, and then hugging them.
  5. 5.
    Writing funny birthday/greeting/holiday cards
    I would be. So good. At this job. In fact I'm probably gonna make my own etsy shop of this or some shit. IDK ETSY MAKES ME NERVOUS.