HISTORICAL FAMILY PORTRAITS, RANKED
- •I know this is a famous family. I can't remember who the dude is, but I've seen this in real life. The baby is literally just like "can I live?" And the guy in the corner is literally saying "kill me" with his eyes.Overall hotness of family: meh. 5/10
- •This was when food in art meant something like life or death or a prosperous family or some shit but all I see is a fugly ass baby and a dad who is giving the death grip to his kid who won't stop fuckin around.Overall hotness of family: 4/10. But like they look like a cool family that don't give a fugggggg so ima bump them to a 6/10. The mom probably cusses but like in a cool mom way.
- •Suhhhhhhhh many things happening in this family portrait. Like this is some Game of Thrones shit. The guy in the back is creepin harrrrrrd at the girls who are Creepin even hardddddder at the guy in the corner. Just a lot of sexual tension er'where. The only girl looking directly at the painter is like "same shit different day."Hotness: 7/10.
- •This family is just starting off. They're probably just the worst. It's like a kimye dynamic here.Hotness: 6/10. Lord help that baby.
- •The mom can't believe they're paying for this shit. The dad said it was going to take an hour tops. She told him there's no way in hell it would take an hour tops. But he was like literallllly it probably won't even take 45 minutes. So they went. It's been 8 hours. He knows he done fucked up because she has been silent the last 5 hours.Hotness: 6/10 but we'll bump it up to 7/10 because I can actually feel her radiating how pissed off she is. The husband is like shitttttttttttt.
- •So royal. Everything itches. The Queen is mad at her husband for something and tries not to move her mouth when she says "don't fucking touch me."Hotness: ughhhhhhh yes their hot but I don't waaaaaanna so 8/10. Also points docked because I feel like the queen neglects her daughters and only cares for the son. Idk.
- •Favorite family tbh 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟. They never do this kinda thing but some duke was like "herahs a months bonus!" And the dad thought it would be funny to to get a family portrait. He knows it's ridiculous and the kids think it's pretty funny too but the mom is nooooot having it and is trying to make everyone be serious but the dad keeps making jokes.Basically this is my family. Hotness: 7/10 because I'm biased.
- •Oh my god this family is so hot. Like omg I am intimidated. Their parents are probably out on a safari and their Nanny had them pose for this portrait. I would not be hot enough to be in this set of siblings. They're so deadly calm and dangerously collected.Like omg look at the little boy in the front. His side turn slays me, I can't. Hotness: 10/10. Slayyyyyyyy, yall. Slayyyy.