1. My tweets are funnier than a lot of professional comedians' tweets.
    It's not a good thing. It's not a bad thing. It's just an observation and I'm not even trying to be that rude about it.
  2. Hasan Minaj on C-SPAN tonight at the WHCD was amazing in the most uncomfortable way because all his jokes were too true to be safely funny to laugh at.
    And god damn do I love and respect him for that.
  3. There is a literal squirrel running around in the ceiling above me and I don't love it.
  4. I will probably die and go to hell before I spell squirrel right the first time and without spell check.
  5. ✨insomnia✨ is so cute these days, ammmmirite?!?!? Everyone's trying it.
  6. So you guys know your blood type? Cuz like I didn't know it until last week and all I'm saying is that if I were in a LOST situation and I needed a blood transfusion I would straight up be like "ummmmmmm....I guess just let me die?"
    Know your blood type.
  7. I totes have multiple accounts on here HAHAHAHA YOU'LL NEVA KNOW WHO THEY ARE, CLARISSSSSE
  8. Last week I killed a cockroach with a Harry Potter book and not to be dramatic, but when I'm on my death bed and am receiving last rites from some priest, that's probably gonna be one of the sins to spew at him.
    lol I will not go peacefully.
  9. I am *decidedly* not a fan of fruity ~drinks~.
  10. I am *tentatively* a fan of coffee ~drinks~.
  11. I am *currently* a fan of chai spice tea.
    The cheapest on the Kroger shelf.
  12. I have so much work to do tomorrow and staying up this late is not my best idea.
    See "Night Mary vs. Day Mary" li.st. WOULD THAT I COULD LINK IT ON HERE. But alas.