Milestones Of My Childhood

  1. 1.
    Being tall enough to see over a church pew when kneeling.
    I distinctly remember setting that goal for myself when my short ass was 5.
  2. 2.
    Being tall enough to see over the kitchen counter.
    See above.
  3. 3.
    Being strong enough to pour my own milk in my cereal.
    This was a big day. I was 6. A liter of milk is a hard thing for a six year old with wrists the size of Cheerios to carry. Especially when her bowl of cereal is on a kitchen counter that's taller than her so she has to lift the milk above her head and pour without spilling.
  4. 4.
    Being old enough to floss
    When I still had my baby teeth I'm pretty sure I begged my mom to let me floss?
  5. 5.
    Being old enough to drink water out of the tall glasses instead of the short plastic cups.
    This goal was temporarily set back after breaking a few of the tall glasses thus sending me back to stage one of the short plastic cups.
  6. 6.
    Being cool enough to whistle
    There was one solid day where I just sat down in a dark hallway and taught myself to whistle. I think that was the most dedicated and determined I have ever been in my life. Definitely peaked learning how to whistle.
  7. 7.
    Being able to stay up past 11
    This happened whilst reading a Harry Potter book under my sheets with a flash light because I shared a room with my sister and she would literally punch me when I didn't turn off the lights when she wanted to go to sleep.
  8. 8.
    Making my own bed
    This wasn't a milestone per say. It was more like a shocking revelation. One day my mom just woke us up and told us to make our beds ourself. I was FLABBERGASTED, naturally. Usually she would just drag me and my sister off the bed with is still curled up in al ball and holding on to our pillows until she turned on the Jesus light and literally ripped the pillows away from us. Mornings were an ordeal.
  9. 9.
    Learning how to spell my name
    Did this through a game of boggle with the help of my dad. It was honestly magic when I figured it out.
  10. 10.
    Watching my first R rated movie
    THE PATRIOT. Every time my mom was like no you can't watch this it's pg-13, we'd be like BUT WE'VE SEEEN THE PATRIOT MOM.