OH THAT? OH YEAH, THERE'S A PATRON SAINT FOR THAT.
There's a patron saint for er'thaaaaaang in tha Catholic HizzUrchhhhhh. Here are a few interesting ones. Warning: most of these people probably died in horrible ways.
- •Saint Agatha of Sicily - Patron Saint of Bellmakers and Breast Cancer.Agatha had a p rough life. She was pretty brutally tortured because of forced prostitution. I'm pretty sure they cut her boobs off. So being a woman back then was fun. (Also @brynelle dude how is she not your saint? Chimmmmmes man...)
- •Saint Anthony of Padua - Patron Saint of Lost ItemsClaaaaaaaasic Saint Anthony aka the one your Catholic Aunt prays to when she can't find her glasses that are literally on top of her head. He is the saint of those seeking lost items or people, nomadic travelers, aaaaaand (get this) women seeking a husband. 😎💃Oh yeah and he's a Doctor of the Church. I don't even know what that means.
- •Saint Christopher - Patron Saint of Athletes and Uber DriversOkay okay officially he is the patron saint of travelers, bookbinders, gardeners, mariners,drivers,surfers, athletes, and pilots. Apparently he gave baby Jesus a shoulder ride across a river one time.
- •St. Dymphna - Patron Saint of Mental Health Professionals."St. Dymphna is the patron saint of the nervous, emotionally disturbed, mentally ill, and those who suffer neurological disorders - and, consequently, of psychologists, psychiatrists, and neurologists. She is also the patron saint of victims of incest." - wiki, bitches. But yeah apparently her dad was a king in Ireland who went crazy after her mom died and tried to make Dymphna his wife but then she was like lol bye and ran away and started a hospital but then he found her and cut her head off.
- •Saint Erasmus of Formia - Patron Saint of CrampsBasically this guy survived like a tonnnnn of shit like being burned alive that should have killed him back in the old Roman Empire times. I think he's this patron saint because he finally died because they just pulled out all his intestines. Much like one wishes to do when one is cramping. ✌️.
- •Archangel Gabriel - Patron (Saint? Yeah I don't know) of Broadcasters, TelevisionHeavens Anchorman TBH. A bish proclaimed.
- •Saint Genesius of Rome - Patron Saint of Actors, Comedians, and Epileptics. Naturally.So this guy was a comedian. And he was doing his set on stage at some Roman Emperor's club, and like, he was making fun of Christianity and what not. But the he had this seizure and had a vision of angels listing off all his sins and he was like of fuckkkkkkkkkkk and was like someone baptize me like rnnnnnnn, I'm being so serious right now omg I'm not even kidding Kevin. Well the Roman Emperor didn't like this so a bitch got his head cut off.
- •Saint Isidore of Seville - Patron Saint of the Internet, Computer ProgrammersUm. He like had a lot of information about a bunch of different religions. Which at the time was rare I guess? Yeah apparently he was just real smart and resourceful.
- •Saint Joseph of Cupertino - Patron Saint of Astronauts and Poor StudentsLol okay so this guy would like spaz out and levitate sometimes. People thought he was a witch but then they were like um maybe he's not idk wtf. Apparently he wasn't all there in the head though and wasn't the best at taking tests. Yeah this guy is a rando.
- •Saint Lidwina of Schiedam - Patron Saint of Ice SkatersSo girl fell horrrrrd one day while ice skating and broke some bones. She was paralyzed except for her hand I think. Yeah. They think she had Multiple Sclerosis. But like she prayed a lot.
- •Saint Scholastica - Patron saint of Storms and Convulsive ChildrenMY SAINT! (Look up confirmation). So girl was the twin sister of Saint Benedict (@joemurphy 's Saint ironically) and he came to visit her one time. But then he was like k bye gotta go do tha lort's work but then she was like um no you don't stay a while you assss and he was like no gotta go but then she prayed to the LORT and was like "plz sit his ass down" and so the lort madeth it storm like a mother trucker and so Benedict was forced to hang out with Scholastica. Patron Saint of Manipulation.