Matt Damon. I wanna say sorry to Matt Damon.
  1. Matt Damon. I used to hate you.
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  2. I think I just thought your face looked weird. And your smile UNNERVED me.
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  3. You also just seemed kinda like an overall prick.
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  4. But, Matt Damon, Sir, I got somethin I gotta say...
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  5. I'm sorry.
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  6. You really built yourself from the ground up, sir. According to the pegan god I worship called "Wikipidia", you left college at Harvard 12 credits away from graduating.
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    Right from the get go you believed in yourself. For one of your first films you lost 40 pounds in 100 days on a self-prescribed diet and fitness regimen. Granted you almost died because of this, but this was a sure sign that you weren't fuckin round. But I never knew. Forgive me. I knew not.
  7. Matt Damon. I'm sorry. You literally wrote a screenplay that won 9 academy awards. And you weren't even that much older than me.
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    Like fugggg me. I'm sorry.
  8. Like what even is your lifffffffe??
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    It is RIDICULOUS how successful you were with Good Will Hunting. I'm literally SICK. Did you sell your damn soul to Diablo? Is Ben Affleck el diablo? LIKE DAMN THAT MOVIE WAS SO FRESH. DAMN YOU.
  9. No. No no no. That's not what I came here to say. Good for you and yours, Matt Damon. I'm sorry. My apologies.
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    Freakout is over.
  10. It's just...it's just you're so damn versatile!
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  11. You played a South African rugby player?
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    And we were all just like "you sure about this Matt?...okay..." And you just did it because fuck us.
  12. You built a damn zoo?
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    You just fucking wennnnnnt for it.
  13. You gained like 50 lbs for this role?
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    What even?
  14. You made this damn iconic movie.
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    Good GOD MAN.
  15. You basically snuck into this movie without me even noticing it was you until five years later.
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    WHO ARE YOU?
  16. You were in one of the best trilogies I've ever seen.
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    🚨A MURPHY FAMILY MUST WATCH🚨
  17. You know what? You know what now that we're putting it all out there, I didn't appreciate you enough in Ocean's 11. Yeah. Yeah I'm saying it.
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    What a WHOLESOME ASS MOVIE. ugh IM SORRY MATT DAMON.
  18. AND YOU ARE STILLLLLLL CRANKING OUT FIRE WITH YOUR MOVIES.
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  19. *pause*
  20. JESSICA CHASTAIN EVERYBODY 👏👏👏👏👏
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  21. *resume*
  22. ANYWAY, I just wanted to say I'm sorry Matt. I did you wrong. And you didn't deserve it.
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  23. You seem like a solid person.
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    And I mean #soliddddd #ammmiritttttladiessss??
  24. Jimmy Kimmel and you have a thing and that's cute.
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  25. And you know what it just seems like you've had a pretty great career. And I just...I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry. I misjudged you.
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    AND IM SORRY.
  26. Also. You're a babe.
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    Kbye.