THINGS I'M ALWAYS ON THE LOOK OUT FOR
If you guys happen to see any of these things, lemme knu.
- •Sales at The LoftSometimes I start crying when I see such good deals. And The Loft has the best sales. Ask @joemurphy .
- •Celebrities in disguiseYOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THEY'RE TRYNA BE SNEAKY.
- •Brie Cheese on SaleOne time I got a big one for like $3 after thanksgiving.
- •An escape from bearsI lived in the mountains where black bears also happen to live. Whenever I ran down our road I would always make a mental escape route through the cow pasture if a bear came at me.
- •An escape from serial killersSee above. (Just substitute bears for serial killers.)
- •Lee Pace's birth certificateHe. Is not. AMERICAN.
- •A vanilla milkshake from ZaxbysThey don't sell them anymore and I'm dying.
- •Jimmy Fallon's real bodyI'm pretty sure the Jimmy Fallon we actually see is an alien. (See my "I don't trust Jimmy Fallon" list.)
- •Skittles GumYeah I remember it @skittles. You can't hide that disastrous product from me forever.
- •People who roll their pants up but only on one legYeah I get it, you "ride bikes". Whatever. I don't trust you and I'm watching you. Now get out you dirty hipster witches.
- •Funny cards in the card section of Kroger.For Father's Day I got my dad a card that was like "What is a dad..." In big bold letters on the front. And then when you open it it said "You. You is a dad." UGH YOU HAD TO BE THERE, but it was perfect and I just started laughing in public.
- •My name on a coke bottleMARY IS LITERALLY THE MOST GENERIC NAME ON THE PLANET, WHY IS THIS SO HARD?
- •A good historical dramaPOLDARK HAS LITERALLY DRAGGED ME TO FILTH.