THINGS I'M ALWAYS ON THE LOOK OUT FOR

If you guys happen to see any of these things, lemme knu.
  1. Sales at The Loft
    Sometimes I start crying when I see such good deals. And The Loft has the best sales. Ask @joemurphy .
  2. Celebrities in disguise
    YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THEY'RE TRYNA BE SNEAKY.
  3. Brie Cheese on Sale
    One time I got a big one for like $3 after thanksgiving.
  4. An escape from bears
    I lived in the mountains where black bears also happen to live. Whenever I ran down our road I would always make a mental escape route through the cow pasture if a bear came at me.
  5. An escape from serial killers
    See above. (Just substitute bears for serial killers.)
  6. Lee Pace's birth certificate
    He. Is not. AMERICAN.
  7. A vanilla milkshake from Zaxbys
    They don't sell them anymore and I'm dying.
  8. Jimmy Fallon's real body
    I'm pretty sure the Jimmy Fallon we actually see is an alien. (See my "I don't trust Jimmy Fallon" list.)
  9. Skittles Gum
    Yeah I remember it @skittles. You can't hide that disastrous product from me forever.
  10. People who roll their pants up but only on one leg
    Yeah I get it, you "ride bikes". Whatever. I don't trust you and I'm watching you. Now get out you dirty hipster witches.
  11. Twins
    LOVE ME A GOOD TWIN SIGHTING. I'm so sorry @chriscady @stevecady BUT EVERYONE DOES AND THEYRE LYING IF THEY DONT AND ILL BE DAMNED IF WE CANT STARE AT WHATEVER DARK MAGIC MAKES IT POSSIBLE FOR THERE TO BE TWO OF YOU. K bye.
  12. Funny cards in the card section of Kroger.
    For Father's Day I got my dad a card that was like "What is a dad..." In big bold letters on the front. And then when you open it it said "You. You is a dad." UGH YOU HAD TO BE THERE, but it was perfect and I just started laughing in public.
  13. My name on a coke bottle
    MARY IS LITERALLY THE MOST GENERIC NAME ON THE PLANET, WHY IS THIS SO HARD?
  14. A good historical drama
    POLDARK HAS LITERALLY DRAGGED ME TO FILTH.